April 24, 2013

You may have heard this phrase for a million times now : "It's amazing how time flies so fast", but I have to bring it up anyway because there's a truth behind it. It's been quite a journey of 3 years in high school. I have had my ups and downs and bitter-sweet memories. High school has been challenging for me with all of its environment and materials, either supportive or not. I don't fancy my high school moments (and self to be exact). Truth to be told, high school has been quite a bumpy road and sometimes a nightmare for me; though there're still some good pictures in it. Sorry to say, but high school isn't my best moment of life, yet not the best memories I've experienced so far.

I've experienced enough of low self-esteem, getting beaten by other competitors, yet the most frequent of all : lack of respect and acknowledgement. I don't blame others for the mistakes and the self-stage I am at right now. I don't deny that I'm an anti social; I do hate crowds and unorganized people. I do hate being in a group of people, talking and doing something I'm not comfortable with. I do feel bothered when it comes to the field I'm not daring at. I don't like to be involved in mass and work with people; I'd rather work alone. Perfectionist I am; I always see flaws in others especially in myself, but in order to overcome those bad deeds, I'd rather pay it with hardworks and attention to the very little details and I hate those who ruin it. I'm quite an OCD and I don't care about people who feel that I'm quite a baby for complaining. If I feel something unsuits me, I'll speak. I feel that people rather annoy with my ignorance towards other; that's just who I am. I have a stone-hard heart, fine. I don't have any feelings, fine. I don't care about people, hell I do. I don't care about judgement and people's opinions shitting on me, but I do demand respect and acknowledgement, not only the time someone/some people needed me on a particular field. I understand that that's the way we, human, live now. We're predators and competitors and we're willing to do anything in order to survive, even to cheat and defeat others with the same purposes. But once again, I hate to be defeated and faking everything, being the one I'm not. And high school makes me to do the exact same thing; I have to be someone I'm not in order to conceal my inner true self and fit with the mainstream, in order to survive the game. Then, I have to face something I don't like, something outside my field, everyday. That's just how I feel. I'm not being picky and hypocrite, I'm speaking the truth. 

In the past 3 years, I've felt damn uncomfortable enough even to put on a smile, a dose for a day. I hate it; faking everything, being friendly towards other, saying yes to almost everything, being insecure almost every seconds. I can stand judgement, I can hold my own damn thoughts, but I can't stand those. Yes, high school hasn't been my best years but it taught me damn well about life, about how to act around people and overcome something beyond your comfort zones. High school also taught me how to survive the 'wilderness', even by putting a mask on and swaying with suave. Afterall, we have to do whatever it takes when it comes to survival in this damned era, right?

No matter how bad high school makes me feel, there're still some good pictures in it. I appreciate the friends and the laughs, the lessons and the links. I love my friends; they're the ones I can be myself with, the ones I can be crazy and share my thoughts with. I can't think of how much worse my high school life without having them around me. As for Sinlui, it's been a great 3 years experience. Being one of them, else than having its own prestige, also taught me about how rough life can be. I appreciate all the hardworks thrown at me as it taught me how to survive and be greater than great. Thank you friends, teachers and Sinlui for doing so. 

Will I ever forget my high school moments? Certainly not, remembering that it really teaches me a lesson, a lesson that wakes and makes me set some goals so that I won't fall in the very same holes over again. Will I miss it? I don't think I am, but the friends I will. Do I feel sad of leaving high school? Certainly not. In fact I'm happy to leave everything behind and seek for the greater good. Farewell has its moment, but future is the one you can hold on with. Not wanting to sound hypocrite, I can say that I wasn't in my best self throughout high school years, but I certainly appreciate all the goods and the bads and the lessons follow. Thank you and good bye. And hereby I declare my words against the saying of "High school's moments are the best moments of your life". Go ahead judge me, I'll live.

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