June 19, 2012
"Double the action. Double the terror. Double the D's."
After the terror unleashed on Lake Victoria in 'Piranha 3D', the pre-historic school of blood thirsty piranhas are back. This time, no one is safe from the flesh eating fish as they sink their razor sharp teeth into the visitors of summer's best attraction, The Big Wet Water Park. Christopher Lloyd ('Back To The Future') reprises his role as the eccentric piranha expert with survivor Paul Scheer ('The League') and a partially devoured Ving Rhames ('Pulp Fiction') back for more fish frenzy. David Hasselhoff trades in the sandy beaches of "Baywatch" to be a celebrity lifeguard at the racy water park. Prepare for double the terror, double the action and double the D's in this sequel.
Garbage. This movie indeed was garbage. I don't understand John Gulager, after the worst came out from Piranha 3D, he still wanted to continue it with doubling the D?! Watching this was like watching 10 year-old's wet dream, really. There was no story, horrible script, trashy twist, nothing at all! Piranha 3DD (as the title says it) only exploited tits, blood and fish. For boys, this movie might be a huge amusement, but for me, it was just nothing but holes everywhere (the plot, some ridiculously unnecessary scenes). The slaughter was disgustingly ridiculous; made no sense, fake bloods everywhere, unshaped corpses, bouncing boobs, just .. garbage. At least, Piranha 3D made quite sense and it had story, even a bad one.
Piranha 3DD gave us nothing but shit. The best way you can enjoy the movie probably when you are drunk with your pals; laughing like crazy, pointing at the boobs and give no damn about the entire movie. Piranha 3DD was just a big crap, a ridiculously disgusting movie filled with naked women bitten by fucking piranhas, bloods splatted everywhere. Piranha 3DD also didn't give a senseful explanation; like how the piranhas from Lake Victoria came to their lake whatsoever. It was just stupid, super foolish. There was not thrill, there was no tense. All I could did was just wincing and swearing questions, like the biggest, "HOW THE FUCK DID THIS MOVIE EVER COME OUT?!". It was just unreasonable.
Hasselhoff was just a big old joke. The scene of him running slowly like he was roling in Baywatch, super ridiculous heroic action of saving a little boy, the stupid expression and voice tone, just GARBAGE. Then, all of the actors and actresses, should I really call them that?! THEY COULDN'T ACT. I mean, all they do was just screaming, crying, running, faking confused face, doing some stupid actions like jumping in the pool and/ lake full of piranhas, just stupid. Not to mention, super ridiculous puppy love added with some nasty sex (piranha coming out from vagina, WTF?! Made no sense! The girl would die with no doubt if she ever had a piranha inside her, fuck reality!) And Chet's death, A FLAG?! Really! It wasn't even a wire! And all the people act like piranhas was no biggie, just screaming with no necessary effort to get out from the pool, instead of bouncing their tits?! And the appearance of some ppl from Lake Victoria were just a big fat lie. Just .. garbage.
Do I need to comment the twist and the ending?! THE WORST OF 82MINS! They act like nothing ever happened, and the twist; that freaky professor calling with no further explanation, then a piranha devoured the kid's head (its mouth wasn't even that big, and WTF parents?! TAKING YOUR KID TO A NAKED POOL?!). I was nearly cried because every scenes hurt my eyes.
Overall, with no doubt, I can say that Piranha 3DD was a total crap. Seriously, don't waste your time to watch this "Double the crap, double the tits and double the fool.".